[Getting busy in current life situation; updates will be sparser. Or I'll need to blow off steam and updates will frequent. Questions appreciated, to direct this blog where you want it to go.]
[UPDATED 6 SEPTEMBER 2013: Added points N2 and O2.]
[UPDATED 5 SEPTEMBER 2014: Added point R]
[UPDATED 5 SEPTEMBER 2014: Added point S]
We’ve come a long way…
- I’ve given you a bunch of other resources to learn meditation that aren’t connected to me:
- I’ve shown you an auxiliary meditation practice that I do:
- I’ve shown you how I keep track of my own meditation practice:
- I’ve given you some reasons to meditate:
- I’ve given you some reasons not to meditate:
- I’ve suggested stuff to do besides meditation:
So, at this point, I hope things will be a little anticlimactic. It’s time to start the meditating, thinking, reading, meditating, thinking, reading loop, if you’re down and you haven’t already. Concepts absolutely, positively guide the act of meditation. Your maps are critical. (Your capacity to forge ahead without perfect maps is critical, too.) But meditation is a transcognitive act. Meditation enfolds cognition.
As far as I know, my formulation here is novel. But the most direct inspirations are these resources, in no particular order:
Mindfulness in Plain English
Coming back to remember – Sati II: Theravada Practice Blog
Distinguishing Phenomena and Pure Being
Upasaka Culadasa’s still unpublished book (Thanks, Jasen!)
(The bajillion other resources I’ve linked in previous blog posts have also inspired this practice.)
INCOHERENT RAMBLING PREAMBLE
I wish I could say “firmly push this big red button exactly 20,010,173 times and you will experience supreme enlightenment.
But we don’t have that.
But what if you we could do dual fMRI and EEG on you, show you what your brain should look like, gamify that shit with a simple, objective scoring system and let you go to town?
Well, we don’t have that either.
But, even if we did, and even if we had nanomachines hanging out in neurons and synapses, and sweet-ass exocortices, and libraries of highly nuanced and tunable mind states designed by other people that you could load as desired…
I am recommending that even if we had that or will have that, you still need to be the final arbiter of your conscious experience. It’s a “thing” in a category by itself. You *experience* it. It *is* you, and all you’ll ever know *is* it. So, what’s there right now? How do you feel about it? What can you change and what can’t you change? What’s the cost and what’s the benefit? What might you become? How might you live and see and feel? On the other hand, are there things you care about that are more important than managing your internal state? Are there things more important than, e.g. “not suffering?” Evolution has “designed” us to really, really care about really real things. Are you going to fight that or roll with it?
I guess my point in this section is that, regardless of all the fancy, mindblowing stuff that may or may not be available in the near or far future, you can’t escape a) goal ambiguity, b) environmental isotropy, and c) enaction, with respect to your mindstream. To be less jargony, possible futures don’t come in tidy and discrete packages, paths to those future don’t come in tidy and discrete packages, and taking action changes the desirability of possible futures, the possible futures themselves, and the possible paths to those futures. All of that applies to doing, being, and having.
Even more succinctly, though perhaps this section has been totally incoherent, you need to make contact with the territory and get messy. Maps are not sufficient when you’re dealing with your mindstream. Experience has to be experienced. It’s in a class by itself.
ACTUAL MEDITATION INSTRUCTIONS
So, here are the instructions, with some unpacking following them:
- As you read these instructions, and as you experiment with the practice, of course your mind will furiously engage and try to figure out exactly what’s going on, what you’re supposed to be doing, what doing the practice is doing to you, how everything about this practice connects to everything else you know, etc. Great! Just don’t fixate on what you think is supposed to be happening, what you think you’re supposed to be doing, what you think you’re supposed to be experiencing, what “doing it right” means, etc. Keep an open mind and allow yourself to be surprised and confused and curious.
- Note that there is no precise algorithm. There are a series of touchstones that you can step through. There’s room for artistry, experimenting, finesse, curiosity…
- In general, keep your critical faculties online while also openmindedly surrendering to whatever you’re experiencing instead of trying to force what you “should” be experiencing. You’re not mindlessly rowing a boat, and there’s no rush, rather, rushing misses the point. Quality not quantity, and all that. Light, minimalistic, deft touch, ever smarter over time, with lots of doing and thinking and reading and reflecting on what you’ve done and why you’re doing it.
So here we go:
A) Choose an object or process (breathing, body, site, sound, “the act of X”).
B) Gently allow awareness to rest on that object and gently stabilize awareness there. The asymptotic ideal is continuous, unbroken contact with the object. Pay attention, know that you’re paying attention, and remember you’re paying attention.
C) The boundaries of the “object” or “patch of space” or “sensation” or “collection of objects or sensations” you select are arbitrary. As your perception improves over hours or weeks, any boundaries you choose will start to get fuzzy. For example, you’ll start to see the phenomenal and temporal distinction between “what’s actually there” and “your abstracted and packaged mental impression of what’s there.” Don’t get hung up on where to draw the experiential boundary; Make some arbitrary choices or draw the line and pick something “out there” like a chair, a mark on the wall, a leaf on a tree, your breathing, the act of sitting, etc. You don’t have to get perfectly semantically clear about boundaries before starting. Ongoing ambiguity is fine and necessary.
D) Simultaneously with (B), balance awareness of the object with the entire rest of the phenomenal field, with all of experience and awareness, inside of you, outside of you, everything.
E) The “goal” is to try to gently, “effortlessly” have both the foreground “object” and the background “everything else” be equally salient. Both the foreground and the background can have a lot going on, they can be dynamic.
F) If you lose track of the foreground or background, or you get distracted, gently return to the protocol: stabilize on an object, become aware of everything, etc.
G) Balancing foreground and background is an active process, not a static end state. If you’re course correcting, you’re meditating. Course correcting, actively aiming, among other things, *is* the meditation.
H) To balance foreground and background, you’re continually remembering what you’re doing, adverting to the object, making choices if the boundary of the object is ambiguous, remembering to include the entire background, not getting “hooked” by objects in the background, noticing changing salience of foreground and background. Pay attention to what’s going on, what you’re experiencing, what’s going by. Use it, learn from it, think about it. Steal moments for micro-reflection or let cognition go on in the background or try micro-interventions or experiment with things you’ve noticed at a different time.
I) You can’t brute-force the balancing of foreground and background. The mind doesn’t seem to be really built that way. There’s sort of a stepping back, letting go, widening, listening feel to it. Exploring *how* to balance foreground and background is also part of the practice, is also meditating. Reflect on what you’re doing, reflect on how you’re doing it, reflect on more deft use of your mental “doing” and “not-doing” muscles, and whether you’re using too much muscle, or the wrong muscle, or what muscles need to be gently coaxed to greater strength and capacity for continuous application (or non-application) over time.
J) This balancing of foreground and background is partly just a default thing to do, something to give you something to do, something concrete to return to. Deviate from default: Experiment, explore, chase after things. Do whatever the hell you want. Know, though, that this “default mode” was chosen carefully, and it is strength training and observational-tool-refining. Over time it changes what you see and what experiments you’re capable of performing.
K) When you start a particular meditation session, begin gently. Don’t dispel what’s been going on prior to meditation, don’t banish that context, that sense of what you’ve been doing, what you need to do, what’s going on in your life. Let it be, let it continue to unfold or hang out; there’s plenty of space to let that continue on while you’re meditating.
L) You’ll go off into reverie or daydreaming. When you return from reverie or daydreaming, don’t slam back in; return gently. Don’t dispel the contents of your reverie or daydreaming, that sense of where you’ve been, what you were thinking about, or doing, or experiencing. Let it be, let it continue to unfold or hang out; there’s plenty of space to let where you were continue on while you’re meditating.
M) To elaborate further on the last point, reverie and daydreaming are not your enemy. As you gain more experience over weeks, months, and years, your mind will indeed wander less during meditation. And, over weeks, months, and years, those periods of wandering will become shorter. But they’re not something to eradicate, and you’ll have different “reverie needs” depending on what’s going on in your life at any given time.
N) The reason reverie-during-meditation is a good thing is that not all mental gears can turn while “you are there paying attention.” Lots and lots of gears *can* turn while you’re watching closely (i.e. actively meditating), and, over time, you develop a light touch so more and more gears can smoothly turn while you’re there to watch. But some gears *can’t* turn while you’re directly watching. Let your mind move forward on its own terms, if it wants to, by easing you into reverie. Honor what comes back by allowing it to continue on with you as you keep meditating.
N2) More on “gears”: There are mental gears, emotional gears, patterns-of-subtle-muscular-tension gears. You can fixate on a particular set of objects, perspectives, assertions, or viewpoints. You can “clench” around emotions and visceral states. Pushing things away is also a “clenching.” Over time you can have a lighter and lighter touch. You can’t make things go away (at least, I don’t try), but you can allow things to breath and shimmer and undulate and flow and ripple and move, and even wail and rage. You can find a steady place to rest your attention in the foreground, and without rejecting or pushing away anything that’s happening, you can let all that rage in the “background.” But remember you’re balancing “foreground” and “background” in salience. This should be the subject of an additional post, but you can use foreground background meditation as another choice for how to be with thinking and feeling. As your foreground attention is gently resting on something somewhat neutral, and you’re still attending to everything in the background with your “mental peripheral vision,” you get to experience thinking and feeling in its “natural state,” “in the wild” when it’s not “pinned to the wall” or frozen, or fixated by attention. There’s nothing wrong with applying foreground attention. But it can be moving, freeing, profound, to completely be with what you’re experiencing (because you’ve made the “background” salient) while allowing or surrendering to everything you’re experiencing (because the “freezing” aspect of direct attention is gently occupied with a neutral object).
O) Anxiety while meditating is a good indicator that your mind is trying to move something forward (and that “something” could be quite amorphous, initially or perpetually), and that “something” isn’t getting enough airtime or not all the gears that want to turn are able to turn. Anxiety can mean you’re being too rigid. Go off-protocol, use more mind muscles, think, poke, allow your mind to wander, etc. Maybe stop meditating and write in your journal, or make that phone call, or do that chore, etc.
O2) Sometimes anxiety can be moved forward by giving what you’re anxious about direct foreground attention (and reverie and off-the-cuff language and writing, etc.). This works great when you have concepts and language that adequately cover what you’re anxious above, or you have enough of a sense that you can eventually get the language you need by starting with not-quite-right language and eventually circling to words that more or less work. Alternatively, sometimes anxiety can be moved forward by allowing it spaciousness in the background, being with it with your “mental peripheral vision,” letting it be vague and amorphous and cognitively unboxed because you don’t have concepts that can “cover” it at this time or it’s still unfolding and evolving and it’s not a good time to be using conceptual machinery. It doesn’t have to be just anxiety, either. These foreground background choices also can work for hopes, dreams, frustrations, longings, desires, urges, doubts, ideas, drives, and subtle or not-so-subtle mental/emotional “energy” and “inner life” for which there isn’t words in your native language. There are, at times, very powerful behavioral drivers that seem to never make it into foreground attention, but they drive tremendous amounts of thinking and doing. It can be very freeing, and useful, and even fill you with relief, if you can spot this stuff at work in the background (remember, you need to use search around with your “mental peripheral vision”; looking around with foreground attention doesn’t seem to work.
P) You can look at meditation in a few different ways: 1) As a controlled environment where you can observe and perform experiments. 2) As a stripped down training ground for daily life where you can practice inner behaviors that you want bring into daily life, and 3) Weight training–very general mental moves that have general positive *transference* to all sorts of daily stuff but aren’t meant to be actually performed or recalled in daily life. They are all useful perspectives.
Q) General heuristic: Don’t look *for* things, instead look at what’s *there*, in front of your stabilized awareness.
R) At some point, perhaps consider making the foreground object “action,” or “an action.” For example, the foreground object could be the act of sitting, or “doing sitting.” (Sit, keep sitting, keep it up, you’re doing great, onward with the sitting, sit really skillfully [seriously]…) (All the above applies with respect to the background.) And then, perhaps, more and more complex doings, more and more intense doings (or being done to you)… And an exploration of this in daily life. But, when in doubt, just live, act, do, without trying to add a layer of meditation on top of it.
S) As an alternative to (R) perhaps consider that, your foreground attention, of necessity, flits from object to object object during everyday, normal, day-to-day life. That’s how you function in normal day-to-day life. During that, throughout that, perhaps notice that the background is always, already, effortlessly there, effortless available… And, perhaps, consider what that makes available to you, always, already, effortlessly… At some point, you may start to get a sense of a foreground-background reversal, where your “foreground” attention swims within an ever-present, ever-salient background… Something to explore…
PROGRESSION OVER WEEKS TO YEARS
Ok, so you pick on object, stabilize on that object, open to everything, and try to roll with what happens. Piece of cake! Repeat fo-ev-a. Not.
Phase 1: no idea what you’re doing, distracted, forget what you’re supposed to be doing for minutes at a time
Phase 2: maybe anxious, breathing gets in the way, feels unnatural
Phase 3: get in the groove a bit, sort of get a sense of what you’re supposed to be doing, pretty on task
Phase 4: what you’re supposed to be doing sort of starts to get unclear again (you perception gets finer, you start to see subtle holes in the instructions where reality doesn’t seem to match up with them)
Phase 5: kind of drift back and forth between doing the practice and reverie, even in reverie there seems to be a momentum where “something” is still meditating even when you’re not all there, probably cycle back and forth between 2-30 seconds on protocol, then 2-30 seconds in reverie, with something tacit stable across both, maybe.
Phase 6: you own this shit. flexible, agile, multi-threaded, creative, relaxed, effortless effort, excitement, confusion, possibility, curiosity, jazzy riffs, ambiguity, auxiliary refinements, new moves in daily life, new ways of relating to self and world, only the beginning, lather, rinse, repeat…